Meaningless happiness 

Life is a journey and to live, its to make the most of it and enjoy. To be able to do this, I feel it is important to do the things you love and are meaningful to you.

It’s also essential to take a step back from life and do a self-check. You should be content. You should be satisfied with how your life is going. You should be happy. 

It is difficult to live a meaningful life if you are unhappy with different aspects of your life. Because even though you are “sometimes” happy, the unhappiness will weigh down, making the happiness meaningless. It is even more difficult when you are just unhappy overall. For both cases, changes needed to be made.

For the past several months, my life has been a roller coaster. I have been dealing with a conflict with my family, making it difficult to keep my emotions together. 

Mind you, I am an emotional person. Yes there are times when I am more logical than emotional, but overall, emotions play a big role in my life. This means, sometimes, my emotions can get the best of me. They drive my actions and how I think. I understand this is a big flaw of mine.

Instead of trying to work through my emotions, I have decided to push them away and ignore them. I’ve begun to busy myself with school, work, and picking up new activities. I simply did not want to deal with it. However, when the topic does come up, I feel greatly overwhelmed and all the emotions I tucked away spill out of me.

This makes me realize that my self-check was long overdue. If I had done one earlier, I would have figured out that I do, in fact, need to sort out my emotions. Not only it affects me, it is affecting the people around me. To realize this sucks.

I am unhappy with how I deal with my emotions. I am unhappy with how I dealt with the situation. I am unhappy that I feel lost and unsure of what to do. These make me realize that maybe my life wasn’t as full of meaning as I thought it to be. It makes me realize that by avoiding the conflict, and trying to do things that make me happy to distract myself isn’t benefiting me. It’s only causing me to have meaningless happiness.

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